Happy Birthday to one of the planet's hottest women- Susan Woody!
By coincidence, the column I wrote for the October issue of Life Publications in South Florida is entitled "Cougars and Other Wild Life". In this piece, which is really more of a spoof on the double-standard regarding the Rules for Men and Women, I introduced Susan to my audience down south. The magazine will be out October 1st, featuring a color portrait of "The Q-Gar".
This Blog is rated PG-13.
PARKLAND LIFE- OCT 08- COUGARS AND OTHER WILD LIFE
Women have it made.
If a 45 year old woman dates a 25 year old guy, society applauds her achievement and she becomes known as a “Cougar.” It’s a nice marketing touch. “Cougaring” has become a national phenomenon. Celebrity Cougars like Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Anacin (I spell her name that way because she gives me a headache) get rewarded with magazine covers and an hour with a gushing Tyra Banks.
On the other hand, if a 55 year old man (like me) dates a 25 year old woman he is known as a Registered Sex Offender and is mocked for dating a chick young enough to be his daughter. There are no magazine covers. Just mug shots and an hour on America’s Most Wanted.
The marketing term for men who pursue significantly younger women is “pervert” (or dirty old man). As a Libra, I am offended by the unfairness of this double-standard.
I work with a very talented woman named Susan Woody. She’s been an A-list radio personality in Montgomery for, well-
See? This is what I mean. It is so unfair! If I tell you she’s been on the air for any amount of time that even infers her age, I will have broken another rule. I risk making her mad, and by rote, all women. I have learned that if you do wrong by one woman, you may as well buy prime time TV spots on all the major networks and announce, “I am a despicable thoughtless jerk of a man”. NBC, CBS, and ABC have nothing on the Chick Network when it comes to disseminating news.
Nor can I say Susan “looks great for her age”. She just looks great. She is NOT an old lady, but does qualify for the senior discount at the Original Pancake House. For that matter,so do I. Not long after she joined our radio station, she told me of a 31 year old “good looking” guy in her neighborhood that came on to her during a backyard chat. Though she enjoyed the flattery of a younger man’s attention, Susan is not that kind of girl so the whippersnapper’s desires were dashed.
I have since dubbed Ms,.Susan “The Cougar”. She has become something of a sex symbol here in town and deservedly so. She is very attractive.
In keeping with the Great Double Standard, Susan has returned the favor by turning me into a different kind of sex symbol, calling me “ Greg “yes I look like a 70s porn star but I’m really a nice guy’ Budell”.
I lose again (and I lost the particular mustache years ago).
I was “cougared” a long time ago at age 20 while working for ABC-FM in Chicago. The program director had hired a strip- I mean a very attractive music librarian – a 27 year old woman whose primary talents exploded under a skin tight blouse. One day, I, the very young and innocent Gregory Benjamin Budell was in the station music library searching for an album when I heard the door close behind me. I turned around, and there she was, peeling off (appropriate term since it fit like the skin on an apple) her top, asking if I wanted to have “some fun”.
I know how that scene is supposed to play out in a movie. Her aggressive approach however freaked me out.
She was just too old!. In my 20 year old eyes, a 27 year old woman looked positively ancient. Really. I was also still somewhat nerdish in those days and the idea that our station manager might walk in and catch us was too much. My budding career was the great love of my life then and I was not about to toss it away for a great story to tell the other jocks. She had me pinned against a big stack of boxes containing Steely Dan albums (ironically it was “Can’t Buy A Thrill”) we’d ordered for a contest. Facing certain suffocation, I slid downward and bolted for the outer office where I escaped to safety.
Good thing too, because it turned out she was involved with my boss. Had he caught us, my radio career (and life) might have come to an early conclusion.
She left the station a few weeks later when they split up. Our broadcasting paths never crossed again, but that memory has crossed my mind more than a few times in the years since. Karen (last name withheld to protect the not-so-innocent) taught me another lesson.
When a woman decides she wants you, and makes that clear- and you say “no”, you have made a permanent enemy. Her last few weeks at ABC taught me the meaning of scorn. Make that scorndimonium. Her cold, icy stares were insufferable and I lacked the life skills to deal with it.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not the Cougar and subsequent trophy taking behavior I find troubling- just the double-standard.
For example, I was on the air one night (on a well known South Florida radio station) when a female co-worker (with a management title!) snuck into the studio behind me while I was doing a break and yanked my sweatpants down without prior notice.
It sounded something like this. “Partly cloudy skies with a high tomorrow NEAR 90?!?!?” Reverse that situation and it’s a six figure lawsuit. I laughed awkwardly at her joke but did not respond to the advance and she too, put me through weeks of scorndimonium.
Thanks to modern technology. what happened all those years ago at ABC-FM could never happen again. Karen couldn’t pin me against a stack of album boxes because we don’t use or give them away anymore. We don’t use CDs either because our station, like most, has entered the digital age. Our music is all computer driven. Still. the result would not change.
Karen would find my laptop closed. I’m just not that kind of disc jockey.
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