My February Magazine Column (published in South Florida) just in time for Valentine's Day!

   When it comes to romance, I am an arsonist. I get some great fires started but they burn out of control and I go down in flames.

   Fire is a great thing when controlled and we reap benefits. My fires eventually end up as 4-alarm disasters. I have learned a few things along the way that might benefit some of the men reading this!

   I hear people use the term “chocoholic”. It’s legit. I was told by one of my battalion of love counselors that it is one molecule away from being something the FDA would have to regulate. Can you imagine the chaos if that actually happened?

  “Doc, I need some. PLEASE prescribe me at least enough Snickers to get me through the rest of the month!”.

   The unsympathetic physician denies the request- “We have evidence that you’ve been doctor shopping for your chocolate. We checked with Walgreen’s and found out you just got filled for a 30 day supply of 3 Musketeers from Dr. Schmendrick- and he’s a podiatrist! No dice!”

  Personally, I recommend Chicago’s Fannie Mae (the chocolate, not the home lender). My Mom loved their dark chocolate covered vanilla buttercreams and our neighborhood Rexall drug store actually had a Fannie Mae case in the store, so they were easy to buy. That’s what my Mom got for Valentine’s Day when I was in the Leave It To Beaver era of my life. For a while, they actually had shops here but those have closed, and you can only order them on line.

  There are other great brands for gift giving purposes like Ghirardelli’s and Godiva but guys- if you really want to make an impression, make her some!

  Before my relationships reach the state of smoldering ruin, I have taken them to a glimpse of “the promised land” with the simple Greg Budell brand. It’s easy to make, too!

   I am going to present the recipe (which I once demonstrated on Ch. 10 producing thousands of requests for it) guy style.

   Men- first you to to Publix and grab a little green basket. Many guys are too macho to be seen pushing a shopping cart so they grab a basket, and procede to fill it with 40 pounds of meat, canned goods and awkwardly packaged items. When a real man overloads a basket, he does not get a wheeled cart. He gets a second basket.

   Once armed, go to the “Spices” aisle and looked for flat orange boxes containing Baker’s Unsweetened chocolate. In that same aisle, you’ll be able to pick up a small bag of real sugar and vanilla extract. The dairy case is where you buy a package of two sticks of REAL, lightly salted unsweetened butter. You’ll only need one but they don’t sell  butter by the stick. Look up, and locate the aisle that says “Canned Mill” and find a can of Carnation Evaporated milk.

   To steel your manhood, go to the Publix Utility aisle and buy a hammer. You won’t need it but the cashier will not ask humiliating questions about the color of your throw pillows.

   TIMING ALERT! Do NOT make the chocolate sauce in advance. If you want to really blow her away, take her to one of the many fine restaurants you’ll find in this magazine and treat her to a terrific dinner. THEN, you hand her a Valentine’s card (a serious one, not a Charlie Brown one that says “You may be droopy, but I’m still Snoopy for you”. Find something that says “I love you” with sincerity.

   Inside the card, you write “Dessert is at my place” (if married- write “Dessert is at your place”) To “close” the deal, must go to the kitchen and make it right before her eyes.

   Now, make a second trip to Publix and buy something to put the chocolate on. If you don’t know her well, get French vanilla. It sounds more romantic than regular old vanilla- and get the real stuff, not the low-sugar, allegedly low-fat stuff- and make sure the flavor is compatible with chocolate. Good as it is, this sauce does not work over orange sherbet.

   A banana is optional but for God’s sake, don’t get “sexy” and put it in a bowl between 2 scoops of ice cream. Remember, she knows more about that stuff than you realize.

   Cover potential embarrassments by purchasing a can of real whipped cream.

   You will need a stove and measuring cups and make sure you have all of this stuff out and ready when you begin to prepare her treat. Nothing destroys a mood more than “do you know where that cup with the lines on it is?”.

   In fact, you should make a third trip to Publix and buy doubles of everything so you can do a practice run while she is out shopping with the gift card you gave her.

   Assuming you’re ready- carefully slit the Baker’s Unsweetened Chocolate box because the recipe is right there under “chocolate frosting”. I know, I know- trust me. When it is warm, it is incredible but you CANNOT RUSH THE PROCESS.

   Patiently do what the recipe says, and you will produce a smooth silky to-die-for sauce that, buried under a snowdrift of whipped cream, will really impress her- and you did it all by your big self!

   I am hoping one of you will try this. Send results (and pictures!) to This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .

   Yes, romantic advice from a serial marrrier like me is like investing with Bernie Madoff. Don’t consider the source.

   Consider the sauce!